Tisha B' Av 5769 - Poem

What I'll do when I'm dead.

I won't have to change, although change is inevitable.
I won't have to move for anything or anyone.
So in a way I'll have total power.
I'll just rot.

I'll avoid all the pain and sorrow of my life by not busting my ass to try to get what I want, to avoid what I don't.
No heartless, thoughtless people will be able to get in the way of my dreams.
I won't have any dreams.
I won't get disappointed in love.
I won't have ambitions.
I won't care.
I won't try to make the world a better place.
I won't cry inside when my cat dies even when it is her time to go.

I won't feel the tears well inside and have to pretend that it's okay when the indifference of others destroys a lifetime dream in an instant.
Or so it seems.
I won't make irrational, unreasonable demands anymore on anyone.
I won't have any demands at all.
It won't bother me the least,
when the senseless hatred and fighting of brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers brings down my Holy Temple.

The walls of Jerusalem, G-d's city will be breached and I won't care.
The Holy Temple will be razed and I won't care.
Who knows what will happen to the Ark of the Covenant?
Who knows what will happen to the cherubim? Who knows where the Holy Tablets will be taken?
Can they be broken?
Who knows?
Who cares?
The barbarians will slaughter unclean animals on the Holy Altar—
and men and women and children.
The barbarians will party in their blood
and torn limbs
in my Holy Temple
and I won't care.

The Babylonian soldiers were just doing their jobs.
The Roman soldiers were just following orders,
when they led away the Jewish slaves. Emperor Titus was just doing his job.
It won't bother me anymore when I'm completely utterly gone, dead, no consciousness, no care, no love.

I'll be able at last to be passive to others, feel nothing towards their sorrow.
And I will no longer kvetch.
I won't bother you anymore.
I won't complain.
The rest of the world will go by.
I'll be carefree at last.
I won't have to depend on good luck,
on the kindness of others,
on high tolerance for pain.

I'll be completely dependable.
You probably won't have any surprises from me.
Maybe it will be easier not to get pissed off at me either when I'm dead.
The godly soul completely gone,
squeezed out of an utterly thin and empty shell.